Coming Home

When I first met Josh, I expected someone older based on the phone conversations we had before he came to train at the academy where I teach. He had served in the military, very recently back in the states, and was going to be the first student we ever had that the government allocated money for him to pursue training to become a martial arts instructor.  He was too young to have seen and done the things overseas that he had, but he had an affable personality when you spoke to him.

He loves martial arts. He had armor around him, and by this I mean he equated martial arts with warfare to a great extent, and I estimated that my personal approach to jiu-jitsu may be at odds with the violence he had come to assume was an essential ingredient of most disciplines. He trained in various martial arts over the years, finding a particular resonance with Krav Maga, known for its brutal and ferocious approach to conflict resolution. Needless to say, the gentle art was something that he was going to have to endure as part of our instructor training program, rather than enjoy immediately.

Training commenced and I enjoyed having him in class, because he laughed at my jokes and appreciated my teaching style.  He, like every individual I ever have the privilege to teach, represented a marvelous opportunity to me. I worked with him in group classes and in private lessons, showing him the self-defense of Gracie Jiu-Jitsu, and some of the sporty stuff for fun. When it came time to roll, I did notice a frustrated affect about him sometimes. Some of the subtleties of jiu-jitsu eluded him and other aspects downright irritated him.  But he kept with it.

Much of our initial lessons were discussion. I expressed to him that among the many things I love about jiu-jitsu, the ability to subdue and restrain someone is of paramount importance. Something that, whether he had ever considered this or not, he had never had a need to do this. He was a soldier, a warrior, and unfortunate but necessary as it was for him, a killer. Josh had been forced as part of his duty to turn off parts of himself that many of us take for granted in order to perform his job in the military. I cannot personally truly imagine what this would take, but I am thankful that there are men and women capable of rising to this ability in order to protect our freedoms.

Josh had at times shared with me the detrimental effects his time in the military had on his psyche, his emotions, and his soul. He experienced night terrors, panic attacks, and other ailments associated with Post Traumatic Stress. To him, fighting meant surviving and if the other person was severely injured or killed, it was in the name of self-preservation. But still, his jiu-jitsu training continued.

Flash forward. I rolled with Josh a week ago and he was flowing. His movement was continuous and he was going from position to position, defending and attacking appropriately, and letting things happen without unnecessary struggle or stress. He began to ask questions about positions, which by their very nature indicated to me that he was enjoying the training. And then today, we began our lesson, with talk about a guard pass that lands you in knee on belly position, when he stops me and shares a story that, in my near 20 years of martial arts experience, I have perhaps never heard a better testament to the transformative power of proper training.

Josh told me of a troubled friend. After a series of events lead him to become suspicious that his friend may be using drugs again, Josh drove to the house his friend had been frequenting in a less than desirable neighborhood.  Upon entering, it was apparent what had been going on: the coffee table in the empty living room contained aluminum foil, emptied out ballpoint pen shafts, lighters and residue from the previously and soon-to-be-used meth. Perfunctorily, Josh carried these items into the bathroom and flushed what would down the toilet. The flush alerted the friend, who had been in another room that someone was there and he cornered Josh in the bathroom doorway, snatching his shirt in two hands and pressing him into the wall, screaming at him for an explanation.

Josh reluctantly told me of his excitement at the opportunity this presented, having trained this exact scenario repeatedly in lessons. He wrapped his friend’s head and arm and threw him to the floor, pinning him heavily while the man struggled to fight and squirm out. Finally, after expending all the energy he cared to, he complied and got into the car with Josh to head back to Josh’s house.

Josh and I had spoken about how there is no superior martial art necessarily all of the time, but there is at a given time, paraphrasing Bruce Lee. And I had expressed to him how beautiful I thought it was that if strikes are all you have in your arsenal in a fight then you have to subdue a would-be attacker in a dark alley the same way you would a friend who has lost his way. This was not a moment to break a collar bone or gouge out eyes. This was a time for restraint and compliance, for compassionate negotiation. And Josh was as amazed with himself as I was with him that he responded perfectly to this moment.

The car ride back? How did that go? Josh’s friend asked him how he did what he did.

“Jiu-Jitsu” was Josh’s reply. “And how about instead of doing that shit you have been doing you come by and I can show you some techniques and we can train together?”

I considered this nothing short of a golden lining testament to the alchemical effect of jiu-jitsu. But Josh went on after this story to tell me what he had been noticing from jiu-jitsu training beyond just this dramatic incedent: How he can be out in a crowd now and not be jumpy or on edge, wondering if someone is going to attack at any second; how he and his fiancé can eat in a restaurant and he is ok with his back to a window now; how he has grown comfortable with things that you and I who have never been in military combat take for granted each day. Jiu-Jitsu helped Josh in a way that doctors with pills and therapy sessions couldn’t.

We trained a bit longer. We talked about some of this for the last few minutes too. I had to shake his hand and head to my next lesson when he told me of a conversation he had with his friend, also a combat vet, also suffering from PTSD. He told his friend of the accounts of these events, of the experiences he had been having of late and the adjustments jiu-jitsu has given him the ability to make. His friend simply said, “Welcome back. You finally came home.”

Welcome home, Josh.

Faixa Preta

Since last posting anything I have been promoted to black belt. It has made me think about all those times I have searched out, either on the web or in person, other black belts to hear about their experience on this journey. Sometimes it was a pleasing find, hearing edifying words from respectable and eloquent documentarians on the trials and joys of their path to black belt. Other times I would find frustrating and annoyingly unappreciative individuals that acquired too cheaply and quickly their rank and have a superficial understanding of what I focus my energy and efforts on daily. But to each his own, and maturity comes with time in.

My path to reaching black belt (not that this is a destination by any means, because I am in this for life regardless of what hangs around my waist) is the product of 16 years of training. Sometimes difficult, sometimes taxing, all the time enlightening. Training for me has offered many things, most significant of which is a vehicle through which to understand the world. But what I want to share here is a belt-by-belt breakdown of my experience for reference to any BJJ pracitioners out there, so that they can look at it (mistakingly) thinking it may offer insight to what they can expect on their path. Did you catch that parenthetical “mistakingly?” Because every individual is so very different, each experience will be somewhat, if not dramatically, different from mine. But here it is anyway:

Blue Belt

The first belt after white in the system, for me was very dramatic. I already had a black belt in traditional jujitsu, so one might think getting my first rank wouldn’t be quite so significant. But the difference in Gracie Jiu-Jitsu and anything else I had ever done had proven to me the amazing nature of this martial art, my home within the system, and effectiveness redoubled by Royce Gracie’s recent wins in the newly formed UFC at the time. This was in the late 1990′s and Helio Gracie would be the person to award me my blue belt, along with some of my training compatriots and best friends at the time, most of which would continue the journey with me for the next decade and a half.

Blue belt was exciting and eye-opening. The possibilities were endless and brand new techniques were all over the place, even as geographically-challenged as my friends and I were. We would drive all over the place when money would allow to see a BJJ teacher, whether he was black or brown or purple belt. Back then, purple belts were amazing to see, and very rare. We got to train under Royce several times at seminars before he eventually asked if we would be interested in becoming a Gracie Academy Training Association, since that is where he and Rorion were at the time together. And when a few years later, Royce began his own Network, we would be among the first of his affiliates.

Blue belt is truly the hardest belt to get rid of. You spend a great deal of time in this one. I did at least. Stripes were seldom, and many years went by in blue belt, with some years earning me a new stripe and others leaving me relegated to  my previous year’s rank. About 6 years I spent at this rank, but I was happy training and proud of every stitch of that belt. And it wasn’t as if anyone around me was passing me by, so I was content with training for training sake. Also, the geographical challenge and slow steady pace of my rank achievements led me to develop a deep understanding and appreciation for basics which I still impress upon my students to this day. Like Royce says, “If you don’t know the basics, you don’t know shit.” Blunt but accurate in so many ways.

Additionally, the chess game and all the metaphors were popping up constantly. Aside from the practicality and effectiveness of BJJ, the ability to see natural laws in action with substance and energy was springing up like a well inside me. This didn’t, and doesn’t necessarily for anyone, lead to tapping more guys out, but what it does for you in the long run on and off the mat is the most valuable resource you will ever acquire in training. Understanding something deeply gives you insight to the inner-workings of the universe I feel, and this is how jiu-jitsu spoke to me.

Purple Belt

Purple is a roller coaster. It was for me anyway. The early days as a purple belt came fast and furious and I realized soon why so many say it is one of the worst belts to have. At purple you don’t get an inch of slack from the brown and black belts as well as having blue belts after you to say they tapped a purple belt. I worked the hardest in this belt, and matured a lot.

The upside is that by the time most people hit purple, they have a firm foundation, and the creative juices really begin to flow. You begin to see possiblilities in each move, understand how to really transition more smoothly, and simply put, by this time you should start feeling more fluid. You may still get pulled into someone else’s game, and shaken a bit, but it is a gut check for your ego. I experienced a world of frustrations, and too many moments of pride; each of these emotional reactions were imaginary and fleeting in the grand scheme. Not many purples quit training, and it is because the innerworkings of jiu-jitsu start to reveal themselves and you see the art for what it truly is: infinite.

Brown

And then there is brown belt. Perhaps the best belt to have, as it carries nearly the prestige and respect as a black belt, with the other black belts giving you the pat on the back as a member into an elite club, and the lower ranks looking toward you as a sagacious veteran. These aspects are nice, but not nearly the main feature of this rank I enjoyed.

After a brief period of adjustment and relinquishment of that sturm and drang of the purple belt, I began to find a freedom at this point in my training. The flavor of this freedom was of the nature that allowed me to shuffle off the armor of ego and tension. The fear that comes with comparing oneself to one’s peers faded (not completely disappeared but faded), and I gave my self many new permissions. It is a wonderful feeling to give yourself permission. I’m talking about permission to make mistakes, to deviate from the prescriptive traditions of your teachers and predecessors, and permission to be great. Permission to feel afraid and not to buckle under the fear, and permission to appreciate your good points without being narcissistic. The effect this has on your training and practice and life in general is magical. With all transformative moments in life, it needs to be reigned in at times because it can be nothing short of an intoxicating feeling, and intoxicants can lead to wrecklessness. This may sound abstract or obscure, but when it happens maybe you will know what I mean.

Black Belt

I will take this moment to say that with every belt I got emotional. I cried when my partners and I got our blue belts that day from Helio, Rorion and Royce. I bawled when I got my purple, out of appreciation and exhaustion of Royce nearly killing me on the mat. I cried from the unexpected surprise of getting my brown belt from Royce. And black was no different except that maybe I cried a little harder. It was a rough year in many respects, and of course a long road to get to that day. And for it to be in such similar fashion as when my jiu-jitsu family and I all got our blue belts together, felt full circle.

I am not on the same path anymore. I have begun a new journey and the details of it reveal themselves to me each day. I am growing to be a better teacher and practitioner, and hopefully a better person through refinement of my art. I feel like this is the job of a black belt.

Jiu-Jitsu Dream

I had the weirdest dream!

I dreamed that I along with some of my comrades from Three Rivers Martial Arts Academy were going to a seminar in Cleveland. Except Cleveland was in Tennessee for some reason, and for some other bizarre reason we were leaving in the middle of the night, around 2am. Like many of my dreams, it was storming, but this was an especially torrential downpour with thunder and lightning and very poor visibility on the trip to Cleveland…Tennessee.

We were going to see Royce Gracie, which is not unusual as he is our teacher, but the strange part is that he was also doing the seminar with Ryron Gracie, which because of a division  that happened some 10 years prior at the Gracie Academy seems very improbable that a joint seminar of these two individuals would ever take place. But, nothing completely unrealistic has happened thus far; only enough to prove to my subconscious that it was in fact a dream and not reality.

Then it got stranger. We show up to this seminar, and it is at an MMA school, but it is inside a shopping mall – like a store. It was such a vivid dream, in fact, that I can remember seeing a “DEB” store across the hall, and a video game store adjacent. Of the people attending the seminar, there was no discernible cohesive ranking structure. There were belts of every color and practitioners of every style – like a Van Damme movie or something. I began to realize at this point it was obviously a dream, as I began to hear R2D2 noises and saw Star Wars characters playing around in front of the video game store. To ensure that it was a dream, Royce finally walked in wearing a blue belt! What the hell?!

So the seminar went on, and Royce taught some techniques. Good information, but Ryron kept fading in and out of existence as happens with characters in dreams sometimes. Royce came over to me (with his blue belt on), and made a comment to me about my new Royce Gracie Network gi that I was wearing, which I had recently bought. Several others had the same gi, so I was unsure why he spoke only to me about mine until he asked why the stitching on mine was brown and not black like the others’. He then told me he was going to give me my black belt, but since it wouldn’t match my gi now I had to remain brown. Remember, dear reader, it was only a dream.

At the end of the seminar, Royce invited questions from the crowd, with off-the-wall responses from people like “Have you ever fought in a UFC?” and “Remember that time you caught that guy in an armlock” which would’ve been comical, had this not been a dream and been real-life. But the diatribe that followed was anything but comical, for dreams or reality or otherwise. Royce launches into a pontification about the recent generation of Gracies losing the way and spirit of Gracie Jiu-Jitsu. He goes on to completely contradict, almost verbatim, statements that Ryron and Rener Gracie had made about how the role of their generation was to disseminate the knowledge created and proven by prior generations. He said that the Gracie family members all had to fight and continue to prove the effectiveness of the art forever. This would’ve made a very uncomfortable and awkward situation, what with Ryron sitting right there, had this not been only a dream. Very awkward.

Craziness of the seminar over, we go eat our lunch inside a Panera bread restaurant, which was delicious, but apparently was being used for an Abercrombie and Fitch commercial that day. We discuss the awkwardness of the seminar and then hit the road to return home, where I can wake from my crazy dream at last. But the dream proved itself to continue as we stop for gas and the attendant informs us that the interstate is closed due to the flood. We go across the street to a hotel lobby and the most surreal image of the entire dream splashes across the screen of the lobby television: there, in living color, was a huge strip of rainbow-hued storm marking a perfect division between us (now in Manchester – not England, but still Tennessee) and our destination back home in Paducah. The way I knew this was still a dream, was by the perfect separation of us and home on the radar map, leaving both areas virtually untouched by the storm but forming a huge monstrous chasm between us. The whole country seemed to be divided in half diagonally.

So here I begin to see the symbolism: Home was Royce Gracie. He is where my jiu-jitsu has come from most my life, and the route from which I have learned the tradition of the art. Our current location symbolized, of course, the evolution of the practitioner, refined through conscious study of the art into not only a warrior, but one whose ambition was peace. We (in this dream) had taken a trip, and seen the pinnacle of what is possible to achieve from a full-circle study of the art. We began in peaceful conditions, road through the storm and into chaos, and came out on the other side, into an even more certain peace than which we had begun. This dream was epic and convoluted at times, but I see from having it that you truly never can go home again. I realized a while back the Zen aspect of jiu-jitsu, in the sense that it is like soap: first, you wash with the soap and then rinse the soap off. What then, is changed? I am. Not the soap. Not the jiu-jitsu.  Royce and Ryron may be two different generations, and the division in what they view their purpose is may be vast and unagreeable by both parties, but as long as I keep jiu-jitsu in my heart then my journey will continue through the use of the techniques. Sometimes the teacher is better off teaching the move, and the philosophy behind the move, and not the personal philosophy of himself.

I eventually woke from this dream, but not before the best and most revealing moment came to fruition. Standing in the hotel lobby with my dear friends, discussing the horrific images on the screen and what was to be our plan of action, we decide to let jiu-jitsu dictate what we would do next.

Jason: Jiu-jitsu says wait, and let the opponent exhaust some of his energy.

Eric: True. Can’t fight force with force.

Me: Yeah, but we can’t stay completely still. We are in the bad position, so jiu-jitsu says we make space.

We were all correct in our assessment of the situation, and it seemed at that time, and for much of the remainder of the dream, that we all symbolized different perspectives of the jiu-jitsu practitioner’s consciousness. That is the characters that appeared in the dream were there. Each type of energy and impulse and intellect was represented in this dream.

So visceral was this dream, and so impactful in its message to me, that I had wondered to this point was it possible that it had actually happened somehow? Was it indeed some somnambulism of mine, because it seemed as if anyone on the trip may have experienced it just as likely.

But today I woke up. In a haze, I rise from my bed, and head to my morning lesson, on my way out the door I grab my gi, complete with brown insignia stitching.

Kids and Jiu-Jitsu: How Many Ways Can You Spell Jiu-Jitsu?!

As pleased as I was that the newspaper in town did an interview with me about Jiu-Jitsu, I was surprised to see the spelling that the writer chose to go with. Here is the article. Thanks to Michael de los Reyes for the interview and keeping pretty accurate with my answers (only paraphrasing mildly):

click to enlarge the article

So why “jujitsu” and not “jiu-jitsu?” Or why not one of the countless other ways of spelling it? And where did these permutations of the spelling come from? Here is a great explanation of it for those of you interested:

Modern understanding of the nuances of language translation has improved greatly since the first contact between English and Japanese speaking people. We now know that the accurate spelling of these characters are
Ju, and

Jutsu.
Not JIU and not JITSU.

That combination of kanji characters therefore makes the word: Jujutsu (jujutsu). That’s just a fact!

Now that we have clarified the spelling issue, we still have the problem of pronunciation. As I have said, there are variations in the sounds used in languages that often pose problems in trying to properly pronounce foreign words. Such is the case with the pronunciation of Jujutsu.

First, notice the macron (bar) over the “u” in “Ju”, indicating that it is not the typical English pronunciation of the vowel. Just as these symbols are used in a dictionary to clarify proper pronunciation, the macron is used here to indicate specifically how a native speaker of Japanese would pronounce the word for the particular kanji character.

In this case, the proper Japanese pronunciation is an elongated “u”, or more specifically, “u-u”, as if repeating the “u” a second time. You might say it is truly a “double-u” (w). Of course, it would make no sense to write it “Jw“, or even “Juu”, so it is written “J“, with the macron.

[Side Note: Based on its name, "double-u", and the shape of the character "w", one could logically assume that centuries ago, this "u-u" sound used in Japanese was the same exact pronunciation used for the English "w", but let's not get side-tracked.]

The closest approximation to the Japanese “u”, or “u-u”, would be the sound of the “oo”, as in “cool”. Unfortunately, many interpreted the “u” to be the same as the English pronunciation of a “long u”, resulting in a sound like the “u” in “unit”, making J rhyme with few, leading to jiu. (or it could be jew-jitsu, the Hebrew martial art.) but as we now know, that’s just wrong.

The second kanji character has been determined to have the spelling (and pronunciation) of “Jutsu”. Notice there is no macron over this “u”, so it does not carry the same sound as the “u” in “Ju”. As we have seen (or heard), the double “u” is longer than our “u”, but, the single “u” is actually shorter (that is, more abrupt) than ours. We would typically pronounce the “u” in a word like this as the “u” in “cut”, but this sound is much too gutteral for the correct Japanese pronunciation, and should be closer to the “u” in “put.” However, the short Japanese “u” is very abrupt, making it sound almost like an “i”, as in “hit”. That is where we got “Jitsu”.

That is an excerpt taken from AllJujitsu.com. Basically, the explanation of why Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu or Gracie Jiu-Jitsu is spelled this way is due to the most common spelling of the word around the early 20th century. And why is it that I always capitalize each “J” in the word? Because it is that important to me. It is like capitalizing “God.”
Hope you enjoy the article.

Now go train!

Jiu-Jitsu Videos and More at Three Rivers YouTube Channel

This is an example of the videos posted at Three Rivers Martial Arts Academy YouTube channel. You can see me, Jason Hawkins, Jared Jessup, Brad Lynn, Derik Perry and all our other instructors and many students training, teaching and more. Check it out and come back to my blog often for updates.

Three Rivers YouTube Channel

New 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu website

Everyone knows I have been a fan of Eddie Bravo for a while. I think he is brilliant in jiu jitsu, while most of the his loyalest followers annoy the shit out of me! Anyway, his new site was recently launched, and if you haven’t checked it out, please do. He has some good techniques on it, and some of them are even free. However, if you do want to subscribe it is about 5 bucks a month. Seems worth it for the quality of videos you get, though.

I only complain about Eddie Bravo disciples because they can tend to be neurotic, and unrealistic with their jiu jitsu. They seem to want special status as 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu practitioners and not BJJ guys/gals. I think this misses Eddie’s point with a lot of it. I am going to usually dislike anyone who puts down other people’s practice, the way 10th Planet folks sometimes tend to put down training with the gi, or training the self-defense portions. I am not saying all 10th Planet practitioners are this way, but I have encountered many and seen many. And for those who just train and leave everyone alone, and choose not to disrespect, I am not referring to them at all.

Additionally, if you want to check out a good book, and a great introduction to 10th Planet Jiu Jitsu, his Mastering the Rubber Guard and Mastering the Twister books are excellently laid-out and compiled. Definitely money well-spent.

Now go train!

Tricks Are for Kids

Tricks are for Kids….

Reverse, Upside Down, Standing Triangle, WTF?!

So…you have been training 6 months to a year, you are starting to tap people at your gym/school, that blue belt just arrived, things are going awesome! But it’s just that damn 50/50 stalemate heel hook position that is giving you trouble. You need a new move, some trick to get you out of it, right? You already figured out how to work into that cool standing inverted triangle you saw on the Bellatore Fights the other night. Got a lot of cool tricks, some that work and some that don’t, and you are always on the hunt for more.

Here is a secret for you: Tricks are for kids. Better yet, there are no tricks. I just watched Phil Migliarese on a video, showing a tip for getting out of the 50/50 heelhook position I mentioned. It was a great method, and Phil is a master level instructor. I enjoy doing the same thing he was doing (not placing myself in any way in a category alongside Phil Migliarese), which is taking questions about jiu jitsu and helping with solutions. But here is the thing: people want fixes or tricks to help them out of their sticky situations, and learning these types of tricks can actually be ineffective and obfuscate the bigger picture of how they need to be training.

Oh no, not another one of these damn “Stick to the basics” soapbox speeches! We get it already! Blah, blah, train the basics. I know, I didn’t like to hear it either. Still don’t. I am a trick collector, too – ask anyone who knows me. I am not taking the blanketed route of saying train your basics and nothing else. I think that is the wrong (and boring) thing to say. It is also confusing. What are the basics? Aren’t there basic and advanced versions of the same moves? When do you learn the advanced stuff?

Firstly, what are the basics? Base, posture, position, etc. Whoa, whoa…you can’t throw “etc” in a statement like that! Yes I can. I just did. And the reason I did was because people sometime have to develop certain basic principles in different order. So, ETC! Deal with it! Drill and drill. Apply the basic principles everywhere. Something I preach to noobs is to operate in the familiar positions when you first begin rolling. If this means you get into a strange position that feels as if it may be dominant but you don’t know how to use it, then back off it into a position that you actually know how to work from. Example, if you are lost in half guard, let your opponent put you into the guard if that is where you actually know an escape from. This way you get to work on your techniques rather than having to ad hoc a transition or position.

And as far as those tricks go. By “kids” I mean newbies. Kids are excited by shiny, fancy things, and so are the tiros new to jiu jitsu or any other class. These are the ones wanting to know how to do that thing that guy from that fight the other night did. And to them, it is a trick in the truest sense of the word. It is a case-specific, independent movement to get them out of a certain difficult situation. The problem with noobs learning these tricks, is that they have a limited frame of reference for applying the sound basic principles to them. Tricks are fine if you can pick apart the principles at play within them, that make them work.

This is where the tricks come from; someone uses basic principles to apply a technique that gets them out of an unconventional situation. Dissect the situation, remove the technique from the context, and poof, you have a new trick. Here is the only real problem with tricks: when guys sit around and think up new things that might work, force these half-brained moves into a situation that is impractical or unrealistic, and anything but battlefield-tested. I could sit down and think up exciting new ways to choke someone with my toes, and if they sit still for me I can make them work. Hell, I can make crazy shit work very effectively if someone holds still for me. People do this all the time, and because they can demonstrate it on a cooperative partner, it appears to have as much validity as “real” techniques. Some people make whole careers on doing this shit (George Dillman?!).

My recommendations: you don’t have to be a cynic about everything you see in martial arts (that is my job), but you do have to establish some accredited sources you trust, and still keep a healthy level of skepticism over much of what you see. Half of what you see and none of what you hear is a great maxim for martial arts. Seek out those pure basic principles and use them as a barometer for any new trick you encounter. And train! Nothing filters bullshit better than exposure to the truth, and truth comes through experience.

And just to spice things up, I thought I should give you some examples of things I would consider “tricks” in the negative sense of the word. In other words, these tricks have either so very little basis in reality or are so isolated in their application that they benefit nearly no one. Enjoy, until I get in trouble for posting these and have to remove them:

The Pentagram?! Really?

And this is just hilarious!!!

Growing Pains

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family”
– Anthony Brandt

Watching UFC with Royce

I got a call from a student the other day about doing a private lesson. This particular student wanted to do it sometime Thursday night. I looked at the schedule, and there were group classes in the front all night and the private lesson room in the back was booked solid as well. So, I tried Friday night….same thing. Saturday – ok, but had to be late afternoon. My first thought was “Damn, we are having a bunch of lessons!” And then I thought again. “Damn! We are having a bunch of lessons!”

These are the types of growing pains an academy wants to have; too many students and lessons and not enough time or space. These types of “pains” are fixable. Easily. Happily. But, there are other types of growing pains as well. Not as easily fixable, and more painful in nature. They have to do with maintaining the environment and integrity of the academy while absorbing all these new people into the mix. “Check your ego at the door” has become such a ubiquitous maxim of martial arts training facilities that it is almost cliche now. But there is so much more than ego that needs checking.

People all carry around with them their life experiences, good and bad. We are the sum total of our experiences, and these determine or actions and reactions to what all goes on around us. If you truly keep this in mind, it makes it easier to allow certain trespasses to occur, and not be too offended by people’s lack of tact or ostensible rudeness. You see, Jiu Jitsu is not all about fighting and self-defense. Well, at first it is, then it isn’t, and then it is once more.

We come into new situations, especially those in which we feel uncomfortable and those which are performance-based (at least in our minds), with a certain air of competitive mentality. We must size up the competition – and that is everyone! We must portray ourselves as flawless and ideal as possible! We must, at all costs, be better than our peers in all aspects of our performance! And, holy shit! We must never be outdone! Tell yourself all you want that this isn’t you. “No, not me, I am just there to learn and go with the flow, and whatever happens happens….” Bullshit. You may vary in intensity of these emotions, especially on the surface and when compared to others, but we all have these feelings. We all are repelled by the feeling of being outdone. We are mathematical this way; if John has been training a the same pace as I have, and he is approximately the same age and physicality as I am, we should remain even in our abilities, right? Hmmm….Hell No!

John (or call him by whatever name you will) has a completely different makeup than you. Maybe his brain secretes hormones at different periods of elevated stress than yours when presented with a stressful situation. Maybe it is a different combination of hormones than yours causing him to perform better, while your reaction actually hinders your performance. Maybe you operate better in more confined spaces and the training space is very open and disorienting to you. Maybe you have an upset stomach, or lack of sleep. Any host of problems, physical, psychological, emotional, physiological, etc., can determine what you get out of training.

But wait, there’s more! What if I come in, guns blazing, and I am doing well. I have found my niche in Jiu Jitsu – it speaks to me and I excel at it as a result. My instructor picks up on this and appreciates it. Whenever I go to him/her with a question, it is happily received and answered. I am feeling more than just satisfaction of training after a few months; I am feeling like part of something bigger than myself. I feel like a part of an extended family. It is great….for me. However, Bob (or whatever name you want to give him) is not feeling this. You see, he joined after my progress had really begun, and he sees how accepted I am by my teachers and training partners. He wants that too, but he is not sure how to get it. But he will try in a couple of different ways:

Alpha-Bob will try to outdo me at every turn. He is progressing well, and trains extra hard, getting all those “good job”s from the instructors, and trying to be very expressive about how well he is catching on. He makes a big display when he performs in class. He puts all his effort into tapping all his opponents with the latest greatest technique he just learned. He gives it all he’s got, especially against me. Now I am his opponent in his mind; not his partner. And it extends beyond the mat. Alpha-Bob tells people how well he is doing, and compliments anyone but me. He tells others that he really doesn’t care much for the way I do a certain technique. He talks to others about how I am just an apple polisher and that is the real reason for my status in class. He would be much better than I am if he had started back when I did, he explains to other students.

Now, how I react to this once it becomes apparent to me is crucial. Either way, I am bound to go through a period of discomfort. And that is heartbreaking now that I have found such utter sanctuary in my academy. If I am unfamiliar with how to deal with this, I may make the supreme mistake of engaging in it. All of the sudden, I am talking trash about Bob, and putting extra effort into tapping him or maybe I correct his technique in front of others. Screw that guy, I was here first! So how do I handle it? How do I fix this situation?

Firstly, if I admit there is a situation at all, I have lost to an extent. Once I label it, I pit him versus me on some level. Now I have cemented the drama. Rather than this, the key lies in not engaging. Notice, I did not say “ignore it.” Alpha-Bob’s feelings are real, and if he directly approaches me to start a dialog, I will not shy from it. I will not however move from my home, just because there is a house guest visiting that does not like me particularly. And that is what he is – a visitor – unless and until he decides to acclimate. So I will continue my journey. I will thrive in my sanctuary, purifying my art and myself internally and externally.

Eventually, Alpha-Bob yields way to Beta-Bob (or whatever you will call him). Beta-Bob recognizes that I will not engage his efforts to fight me. I will not feed his Painbody, as Eckhart Tolle puts it. So, what is he left with? He is left with what brought him in the door in the first place. But even that have metamorphosed into something different. He now has to take inventory of what he has accomplished, and what he must change in order to accomplish more. He must cleanse his perception in order to see the infinite possibilities that truly lie before him in his training. Now he has really begun. After all this time, he has actually just now started his journey.

I make it a point to know something about every student that walks in the door at Three Rivers Academy. And most are more than willing to share – people like to talk about themselves. This is good. I want the students to achieve, among other things at the academy, catharsis. I enjoy the closeness created by knowing these things, good, bad, otherwise. I love my Jiu Jitsu family. And as my family grows (outgrowing the new academy already!), my heart grows, making room for new love for all those that would join my family. But when someone brings ego, jealousy, contempt, insecurity, deception, etc. into my Jiu Jitsu home, it hurts my heart, but I must only help to preserve the purity and sanctity of my environment and hope that everyone else follows suit. Either the person will acclimate or leave, ultimately. I dearly hope they all stay.