Jiu Jitsu Lifestyle

I have been doing Jiu Jitsu half of my life, and for anyone who knows my real age they know that is a pretty long time. For this reason, it becomes more and more interesting to me to look at people beginning their training and their motivations. Likewise, it interests me to watch my peers’ motivations grow and evolve, as does mine. Jiu Jitsu has become a lifestyle for me, and I would like to pass on a few ways in which I mean this.

I first came to Jiu Jitsu after some previous martial arts training that was somewhat lackluster. I had various reasons for wanting to learn, but a major one is that I saw the “magic” of martial arts training, and Jiu Jitsu offered a new brand of magic that appealed to me at the time. I was not very strong or fast or otherwise athletic. I was introverted, but I was artistic and imaginative. I enjoyed the outlet for a new expression of creativity that Jiu Jitsu gave me. However, there wasn’t anything I could clearly articulate was my direct motivation. And I think this is common. I often hear people, upon being questioned about their reason for starting their training, say things such as “I am just interested in it” or “I saw it on TV and thought it looked cool” or some variation of these responses. Others may express an interest in defending themselves or in the competition aspect, and most all students are drawn to these aspects to some degree.

As an instructor, it has become a responsibility of mine to figure out the true motivation of individuals, in order to help them in their journey. “Journey” sounds a little hokey, but that is what it is or what it has to become, if it is to amount to anything at all. Most initial responses to the question of motivation are superficial, because the individual has had no exposure yet to the benefits of training. As they proceed in their training, their motivation changes and vacillates. Eventually, if they stick with it, their motivation becomes muted, effaced, and aloof. “Motivation” as a term for why they continue training becomes outmoded, and they progress to a constant state of just “training for training sake.” Everyone knows that they are in some way trying to better themselves with their training, and the fact that they are drawn to do this is a wondrous thing. It only becomes more wondrous as they continue.

Back to me: I have had moments of doubt and uncertainty. I have questioned my motivation, as well as the amount I have sacrificed to continue my training. “What am I trying to accomplish here?” I said on more than one occasion. What a dangerous question that we are all guilty of asking! Luckily I stuck through plateaus and climbed out of valleys, as well as I fortunately survived the rush of being high on peaks. It is easy to want to give up when you are feeling poorly about your training; especially if a single or few bad events knock you off of a pedestal of superiority you may have accidentally wound up on. And I am now more thankful than anything that I have the ability to say to students, with genuine conviction and reinforcement, “This too shall pass, so be thankful for today’s training.”

You have to develop the ability to take pleasure out of the sheer state of presence that training allows you. If you come in with worries from outside or regrets over earlier occurrences, you diminish, if not completely destroy, the joy and value of the training you are about to partake in. This is one of the highest principles from training that you can apply to all your life: be present and taste every detail of the current situation, painful or splendid. No amount of worry over a late bill will pay it! If you are at your daughter’s play, watch the play! If you are cooking a meal, cook the meal! Chop wood, carry water! When you allow your mind to live in another instance not the present one, you have separated your mind and body, and no harmony can follow that. In Jiu Jitsu this is immediately obvious, because if you are not paying attention, then you get caught in a choke. And you deserved it!

These are the very important aspects I see about living a Jiu Jitsu lifestyle – these metaphorical ideas. Metaphorical in the sense that they present themselves in tangible form in training and then render marvelous abstractions in daily living. Once we are able to settle ourselves into our practice and quiet some of the noise that runs through our heads, we can hear subtler things we are not as attuned to in daily bustle. We begin to “hear” our bodies instructions on how to to treat ourselves. How far can this muscle stretch comfortably? How fast does our heart beat before we have to breathe through our mouths and not just our noses? How much weight can I comfortably support in this or that position? How sluggish or energetic do I feel in my practice when I eat an hour before? Two hours? Most of these are fairly easy to answer if we can get ourselves present and quiet enough to be receptive.

I know my purpose now. I have learned it through my training. It is not about accomplishments, although I can outline these if I want. It is not about any willful direction I have forced myself into, and it is not about proselytizing, although I do plenty of that (that is what this blog is kind of about after all). My purpose is manifest, and I try only to nourish it with love and give it space to flourish. Jiu Jitsu tells me this is the right thing to do. So I consider Jiu Jitsu my purpose.

In closing I would like to include a nice segment of a video related to this topic:

Growing Pains

“Other things may change us, but we start and end with family”
– Anthony Brandt

Watching UFC with Royce

I got a call from a student the other day about doing a private lesson. This particular student wanted to do it sometime Thursday night. I looked at the schedule, and there were group classes in the front all night and the private lesson room in the back was booked solid as well. So, I tried Friday night….same thing. Saturday – ok, but had to be late afternoon. My first thought was “Damn, we are having a bunch of lessons!” And then I thought again. “Damn! We are having a bunch of lessons!”

These are the types of growing pains an academy wants to have; too many students and lessons and not enough time or space. These types of “pains” are fixable. Easily. Happily. But, there are other types of growing pains as well. Not as easily fixable, and more painful in nature. They have to do with maintaining the environment and integrity of the academy while absorbing all these new people into the mix. “Check your ego at the door” has become such a ubiquitous maxim of martial arts training facilities that it is almost cliche now. But there is so much more than ego that needs checking.

People all carry around with them their life experiences, good and bad. We are the sum total of our experiences, and these determine or actions and reactions to what all goes on around us. If you truly keep this in mind, it makes it easier to allow certain trespasses to occur, and not be too offended by people’s lack of tact or ostensible rudeness. You see, Jiu Jitsu is not all about fighting and self-defense. Well, at first it is, then it isn’t, and then it is once more.

We come into new situations, especially those in which we feel uncomfortable and those which are performance-based (at least in our minds), with a certain air of competitive mentality. We must size up the competition – and that is everyone! We must portray ourselves as flawless and ideal as possible! We must, at all costs, be better than our peers in all aspects of our performance! And, holy shit! We must never be outdone! Tell yourself all you want that this isn’t you. “No, not me, I am just there to learn and go with the flow, and whatever happens happens….” Bullshit. You may vary in intensity of these emotions, especially on the surface and when compared to others, but we all have these feelings. We all are repelled by the feeling of being outdone. We are mathematical this way; if John has been training a the same pace as I have, and he is approximately the same age and physicality as I am, we should remain even in our abilities, right? Hmmm….Hell No!

John (or call him by whatever name you will) has a completely different makeup than you. Maybe his brain secretes hormones at different periods of elevated stress than yours when presented with a stressful situation. Maybe it is a different combination of hormones than yours causing him to perform better, while your reaction actually hinders your performance. Maybe you operate better in more confined spaces and the training space is very open and disorienting to you. Maybe you have an upset stomach, or lack of sleep. Any host of problems, physical, psychological, emotional, physiological, etc., can determine what you get out of training.

But wait, there’s more! What if I come in, guns blazing, and I am doing well. I have found my niche in Jiu Jitsu – it speaks to me and I excel at it as a result. My instructor picks up on this and appreciates it. Whenever I go to him/her with a question, it is happily received and answered. I am feeling more than just satisfaction of training after a few months; I am feeling like part of something bigger than myself. I feel like a part of an extended family. It is great….for me. However, Bob (or whatever name you want to give him) is not feeling this. You see, he joined after my progress had really begun, and he sees how accepted I am by my teachers and training partners. He wants that too, but he is not sure how to get it. But he will try in a couple of different ways:

Alpha-Bob will try to outdo me at every turn. He is progressing well, and trains extra hard, getting all those “good job”s from the instructors, and trying to be very expressive about how well he is catching on. He makes a big display when he performs in class. He puts all his effort into tapping all his opponents with the latest greatest technique he just learned. He gives it all he’s got, especially against me. Now I am his opponent in his mind; not his partner. And it extends beyond the mat. Alpha-Bob tells people how well he is doing, and compliments anyone but me. He tells others that he really doesn’t care much for the way I do a certain technique. He talks to others about how I am just an apple polisher and that is the real reason for my status in class. He would be much better than I am if he had started back when I did, he explains to other students.

Now, how I react to this once it becomes apparent to me is crucial. Either way, I am bound to go through a period of discomfort. And that is heartbreaking now that I have found such utter sanctuary in my academy. If I am unfamiliar with how to deal with this, I may make the supreme mistake of engaging in it. All of the sudden, I am talking trash about Bob, and putting extra effort into tapping him or maybe I correct his technique in front of others. Screw that guy, I was here first! So how do I handle it? How do I fix this situation?

Firstly, if I admit there is a situation at all, I have lost to an extent. Once I label it, I pit him versus me on some level. Now I have cemented the drama. Rather than this, the key lies in not engaging. Notice, I did not say “ignore it.” Alpha-Bob’s feelings are real, and if he directly approaches me to start a dialog, I will not shy from it. I will not however move from my home, just because there is a house guest visiting that does not like me particularly. And that is what he is – a visitor – unless and until he decides to acclimate. So I will continue my journey. I will thrive in my sanctuary, purifying my art and myself internally and externally.

Eventually, Alpha-Bob yields way to Beta-Bob (or whatever you will call him). Beta-Bob recognizes that I will not engage his efforts to fight me. I will not feed his Painbody, as Eckhart Tolle puts it. So, what is he left with? He is left with what brought him in the door in the first place. But even that have metamorphosed into something different. He now has to take inventory of what he has accomplished, and what he must change in order to accomplish more. He must cleanse his perception in order to see the infinite possibilities that truly lie before him in his training. Now he has really begun. After all this time, he has actually just now started his journey.

I make it a point to know something about every student that walks in the door at Three Rivers Academy. And most are more than willing to share – people like to talk about themselves. This is good. I want the students to achieve, among other things at the academy, catharsis. I enjoy the closeness created by knowing these things, good, bad, otherwise. I love my Jiu Jitsu family. And as my family grows (outgrowing the new academy already!), my heart grows, making room for new love for all those that would join my family. But when someone brings ego, jealousy, contempt, insecurity, deception, etc. into my Jiu Jitsu home, it hurts my heart, but I must only help to preserve the purity and sanctity of my environment and hope that everyone else follows suit. Either the person will acclimate or leave, ultimately. I dearly hope they all stay.